REGRET IS ALL I CAN DO

How can anyone be sure about anything? 

It has been around 19 years of my existence and I am embarrassed to say that I haven't made any (not even one) decision on my own. From selecting my dresses to choosing my toothpaste, I need someone. I am like a virus who needs a host to live. IT REALLY HURTS TO ADMIT THIS. As every girl dreams of having an independent life.

For the first time in my life I tried to take the reins in my hands. My parents being "cool" gave me the opportunity to chose my career (many kids in India ain't lucky like me). Ignoring the cons of Indian Education System, I would like to tell you my story (or otherwise I will keep cribbing about how this system is so shallow ). 

I scored 90.75% in my boards. I was happy but I knew they weren't enough. Delhi University being so out of my league wasn't going to offer me a north campus college (which like everyone) I dreamt of. So I decided to give more preference to college than my course. And this is the point at which I screwed. And here I suck studying Physical sciences in Hansraj College. Despite my parents unwillingness I chose this course with nil scope. Now I feel that there was some supernatural power that was controlling me then. I hardly can see any valid reason of my resistance to my father's decision. My dad desperately wanted me to do engineering from IP, and I could have got into some decent college (my rank was Okaish). And now I wish that my dad would have slapped me and forced me to join IP. But all I can do is regret.

That '3 months' gap after board exams was the most frustrated span of my life. So  many options, so many consultancies, so many advices exhausted my forebrain. Everyone (including  parents, relatives, neighbours, maids, pets) just wanted to know the answer of this one QUESTION:

"Beta admission kahan liya ?"

And I had this unknown urge of proving myself to them. I don't know about you but I surely care  what my relatives and gali wali auntys think of me. But now I would like to ask some things from my inner self:

Who are "they"?

What do "they" mean to me?

Is there really any competition between me and Sharma Ji's beta?

And who the fuck is he? (I haven't met him! Have I?)

80% of bad decisions taken by Indian students is not because of peer pressure, it is cause of AUNTY PRESSURE.

Keeping these potential reasons of my life's most immature choice aside. I am proud to have made such a beautiful family in Hansraj which will surely be my driving force for the next two years. Though I am still trying to change my college. This time giving preference to a satisfying course. Let's see what future has in store.
 I hope I do something great. LIFE IS A HILL, and I want to climb it afar.

P.S With all due respect I am not blaming any aunty for my wrong decision, rather I am blaming myself for being a fool.